Moon Dorm Unannounced Inspection

This translation was done by Claudia, and edited by me.

Please do not repost this anywhere.

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Chairman: Here you go! Kaien-style mango carpaccio marinated with tomatoes, parsley and mayonnaise. Kaien-style vegetables and beef in cream!

*Yuuki tastes it*

Yuuki: Hum… Ah, today’s food is passable. But it’s good, isn’t it Zero?

Zero: Kind of.

Chairman: Eh?!? Passable?! I didn’t add enough seasoning?

Zero: It’s passable and delicious, that should be enough for you.

Yuuki: The seasoning?

Zero: It’s fine, Yuuki! (He wants her to drop the subject.)

Chairman: I went all the way out! Oh no! Were you saying something?

Yuuki: Uh oh, he said something weird again.

Chairman: That was my blend full of love! *echo*

*Sound of the Chairman pinching Yuuki’s cheeks*

Yuuki: Stop pinching my cheeks please, Chairman!! Hey-

Chairman: Why? Can’t I do it to my own daughter?

Yuuki: It’s not that you can’t…

Zero: Thanks for the meal. Isn’t that good, Yuuki? He doesn’t have any blood relationship with you but still loves you so much… this weird creature. *walks away*

Yuuki: Zero you’re mean! Where are you going? Don’t leave me alone with the Chairman!!

Zero: I’m going back to the dorm before I get pulled into this. Stand firm, Yuuki.

Yuuki: Uuuuu!!

Chairman: Are you so happy that you’re crying, Yuuki~ Ah! No, it’s not time for that, I need to do something. Wait and don’t go Kiryuu-kun!!

*Screams and jumps on Zero*

Zero: Let me go!

Chairman: I understand. *sound of the Chairman pinching Zero’s cheeks* You are jealous.

Zero: Don’t hug me! Release me!

Yuuki: Ah, he let go. Sorry, Zero.

Chairman: Sorry. You were sulking, because Yuuki was being cute, right?

Yuuki: You were sulking.

Zero: Sulking?!

Chairman: Please be honest, of course you were sulking. You are my son, so you’re similar to me.

Yuuki: You should just become Cross Zero already. Ah, that sounds awful.

Zero: Yuuki, I’ll get you for this after…

Yuuki: That’s because you left me behind!

Chairman: Please, my cute children, I love you both equally so don’t fight, okay?

Zero: It’s fine. Let – Me – Go!

*Zero fights and knocks out the Chairman*

Chairman: Wasn’t that a good retaliation.

*Chairman falls*

Zero: To fall just like that. Is this guy really hunter who used to kill vampires?

Yuuki: He might just have the same name. Ah, Zero. Look at the Chairman’s hand. He’s telling us a ‘dying message’.

Zero: Huh?! He’s doing something again. “Un”- What’s “un”.

Yuuki: Wait, the next is “an”- “noun”- “ced”- “inspec”? Next is…

Zero: “tion”. Unannounced inspection.

–

In the Moon Dorm

Kain: We’re so free.

Aidou: Not really for me.

Kain: It may be my imagination, but I think there are no classes.

Aidou: It’s not your imagination. Classes have been temporarily cancelled for a couple of times. What is it? Are you worried about your grades? You’ve got to be kidding.

Kain: It’s better than being free.

Aidou: Hmm?

Kain: It bothers me that there’s nothing that I need to do, and there are no lessons as well.

*Kain gets off his bed.*

Kain: Shall we clean the room? Oi, Hanabusa-

Aidou:  Ah! Leave me alone already!! Just clean or do whatever you please. If you are so bothered, then go hang around with Ichijou or Ruka. I’m busy, you can see that!

Kain: Sigh. Not that I mind, but I’m a bit worried about you.

Aidou: About what?

Kain: Well…  you’ve been staring at the same pictures in your hand for about 4 hours.

Aidou: I stare at them because they remind me of so many memories. Ah! Is it that you want them?

Kain: I don’t want them, those old pictures of the Dorm Leader.

Aidou: So, what is it then?

Kain: You should stop doing that. It gives the impression that you’re a weirdo.

Aidou: That much?

Kain: A lot.

Aidou: Then could it be… *grabs his collection from a drawer*… that collecting this stuff also makes me weird?

Kain: Where did you hide these things?  If the Dorm Leader finds out, you will probably- No, forget what I just said.

Aidou: Say it clearly, Akatsuki.

*knock, knock, knock*

Aidou: *gasp* He’s here!!!

Kain: If you don’t want to die, then hide them!

Aidou: I only collected these with feelings of respect and admiration! There’s certainly nothing weird-

Yuuki: Excuse me?

Aidou: What? Why do I hear the prefect’s voice?

Kain: I’ll get it.

Aidou: Yes.

*Kain opens door*

Yuuki: Good evening, Kain-senpai, Aidou-senpai. We’re here on an errand for the Chairman.

Aidou: Ah! Kiryuu is also here. (He doesn’t use any honorific.)

Yuuki: Sorry for intruding.

Aidou: Ah?! Why are you coming in?

Zero: We’re doing unannounced room inspections. Here. *gives the paper to Aidou*

Aidou: “There seems to be some disorderly conduct in the Moon Dorm, so the rooms will be inspected. From The Chairman.” Aa?! What’s this!?

Yuuki: Zero, come here a bit.

Zero: Why?

Yuuki: Look at this. There are suspicious things scattered on the bed.

Aidou: Aaa!! Wait-  Akatsuki!! … Were has he gone to?! Aaa!! Don’t touch!!

Yuuki: A torn piece of fabric, a fountain pen with its tip smashed…

Aidou: Aaa!! I said to stop it! Step aside! Don’t hinder me!

Zero: Sorry, it’s our job.

Aidou: Oh!! Let go!

Yuuki: Zero, hold him like that! *clinking sound* A knife and fork that have been bent back and forth, crumpled stationery and more… What is this trash?! Somehow or other, there’s also a pretty, container-like thing.

Aidou: It’s nothing! Oi, Kiryuu. Can you not look at me as though you’re looking at something pitiful?

Yuuki: To treat garbage like treasure… what an unusual hobby – Or rather, it’s because you’re an ecologist, right senpai?

Aidou: Ah, well you know… I’ve been recycling.

Yuuki: Well then, let me take care of this recycling in your stead! Don’t worry about it! *takes away the ‘trash’*

Aidou: Aaa!!!

–

In Ruka and Rima’s room

Ruka: An unannounced room inspection? What for?

Kain: It seems that there’s some disorderly conduct amongst us.

Ruka: Before talking about the conduct, I hope the Chairman will notice that the male and female dorms are connected by a single road, and people can come and go as they please.

Kain: Such an arrangement was made when we entered the school in respect for our pride. (Couldn’t catch a few words.) But I feel this this unannounced inspection is more like a recreation activity.

Ruka: I don’t get what you’re saying.

Kain: The Chairman must be in high spirits to kill time on his day off.

Ruka: That person (the Chairman) is just creating more work for the already-very-busy Kaname-sama! Though, I am very happy that Kaname-sama will visit my room.

Kain: The ones doing the inspection are the prefects.

Ruka: Ah! Idiot! Let’s hurry!!

*Sounds of Ruka putting up her furniture as barricades to make sure the prefects can’t get in*

Ruka: Even though I don’t wish to say this, but when I think of those two looking at my room, I get pissed off, and I will definitely not allow this! With these barricades, it will be fine, right!

Kain: Yes, though we will both be stuck here alone together for a while.

Ruka: Oh no!! I’m so stupid!

Kain: This side of you is cute.

Ruka: You’re being sarcastic! You think I’m stupid, right?

Kain: I don’t think that.

Ruka: Since there’s just the two of us, don’t go and think weird things, ok.

Kain: Yes, yes.

Ruka: What are you looking at?

Kain: I’m resting my eyes.

Ruka: Don’t joke around!

–

Ichijou and Shiki’s room

Shiki: Rima isn’t here, Ichijou-san.

Ichijou: Eh? She’s the only one working?

Shiki: Well, let’s just say that it’s an adult situation.

Ichijou: Got it. Ah, are you upset?

Shiki: Not really.

Ichijou: I see. Ah! Hey, Shiki! You’re chocolate cookie crumbs are falling all over the carpet. I have to say this once; this is my room, so eat your snacks in your own room.

Shiki: Ichijou-san never says things like that, but now you sound petty, like the boss of my modelling company.

Ichijou: You see, I just somwhat fear your snacks that have been encroaching into the common living room. At this rate, my room might become a jungle of snacks like yours.

Shiki: I said that I like snacks in a magazine interview, and the fans gave me these. This (snack) jungle is only temporary.

Ichijou: Do you intend to eat everything? Don’t you dislike overly sweet things.

Shiki: I’ll eat it slowly by the mouthful. Rima will get angry if I don’t value my fans. Anyway, it seems like the prefects came over just now.  It’s noisy.

Ichijou: There’s an unannounced room inspection.

Shiki: What’s that about? It’s surely Aidou-san’s fault.  That guy has many strange things hidden in his room.

Ichijou: That’s probably it. He must be in a state of panic now.

Shiki: And then, there’s also Kuran-dorm leader… he definitely has weird things (in his room).

Ichijou: What an assertion. Well, in a way, I can’t deny that. Even Kaname wouldn’t disallow an inspection if it was Yuuki-chan doing it.

Shiki: I haven’t seen his room, but it’s not that I want to see it either. I can’t undertand why Aidou-san loiters outside the Dorm Leader’s room despite having no business there.

Ichijou: *laugh* You’re unsparing as usual, Shiki. Hey, don’t you have to clean up?

Shiki: Not really. I don’t have anything that’s too embarassing to be seen. What about Ichijou-san?

Ichijou: Ah… I do, somewhere or other.

Shiki: Ah… that. Don’t you have to hide it?

Ichijou: That’s because I’m ‘open’. (Meaning that he’s an open kind of vampire.)

Shiki: Ichijou-san is nice, but you’re actually…

Ichijou: Hmm?

Shiki: Well, forget it. I’ll give Rima a call about the inspection.

Ichijou: *Laugh* You and Rima really get along well. Just like Kaname and I.

Shiki: Ichijou-san, at least tidy up the used underwear lying on the floor. (If you remember episode 3 of the anime’s first season, Ichijou mentioned that he wasn’t ashamed if his underwear lying on the floor because they were made of the finest silk. So this is kind of a running gag.)

–

Hallway in front of Kaname’s room

*Yuuki stops in the hallway*

Zero: What’s wrong? You’re standing still.

Yuuki: Frankly, is it all right to do the inspection in Kaname-senpai’s room?

Zero: What are you saying? Those are the Chairman’s orders.

Yuuki: A room with ambiguous trash in it, a room with an avalanche of snacks, a room full of barricades, a room filled with lots of manga and unimaginable things… Until now, there has not been a single decent room. *dark music* Well, I can’t imagine what’s in Kaname-senpai’s room! After all, Kaname-senpai is a pureblood, the class head and the dorm leader, so having cannibals, mysterious mummies or powerful carnivorous plants is normal!

Zero: Or he might unexpectedly be keeping an obese cat, dried scallops or rice-plants in secret.

Yuuki: No! No! That can’t be it either! Shall we just give a moderate report?

Kaname: You can’t do that, Yuuki. That kind of thing is irresponsible.

Yuuki: Nooooooo!!!!

Kaname: No you say?

Yuuki: Ah, Kaname-senpai?

Zero: Calm down, Yuuki.

Yuuki: I’m sorry.

Kaname: It’s fine. Leaving that aside, I’m glad I know what Yuuki thinks of me.

Yuuki: Eh?! Busted!!

Kaname: However, I’m sorry. It’s not like what you expected. Unfortunately, my room doesn’t have cannibals, mummies or powerful carnivorous plants. Even so, if you would like to inspect my room… could it just be Yuuki?

Yuuki: Huh… it was decided that we’re both doing this together to prevent any biasness.

*angry Kaname sound*

Kaname: Mmm… I see.

Zero: Even if you look as though you’re going to kill me, I won’t wait at the corridoor alone.

Kaname: If that’s how it is, then I welcome the both of you.

*walking towards his room*

Kaname:We’ve reached my room. Welcome, Yuuki.

Yuuki: Sorry for intruding.

*door shuts in Zero’s face*

Zero: Kuran-senpai, can you not arbitarily shut the door right in front of me?

Kaname: You can’t do that, Kiryuu-kun. The door can’t be shut because you foot is caught in it. Thanks to you, I’ve realised it my poor timing in closing the door. I should look properly first. Sorry. But it would trouble me if you don’t come in quickly.

Zero: I didn’t know that senpai was so impatient. Sorry. Then, I’ll quickly finish and quickly leave with Yuuki.

*they both enter the room*

Yuuki: Uuuwaaa!! Kaname-senpai’s room is the largest!! The sofa, and the table, and the curtains… it’s a pretty simple room, right.

Kaname: Really?

Yuuki: This is simple, or should I say that it has no life, or that I can’t feel any joy in living… Where did I see something like that before? Ah! It feels like Zero’s room!

*Kaname and Zero are pierced through the heart with Yuuki’s words*

Kaname: This can’t be, Yuuki.

Zero: That’s my line!! I don’t want to be seen like you.

Yuuki: Eh? I wonder…

Zero: I just saved on the unnecessary things.

Kaname: Certainly, it might be better for you to do it that way.

Yuuki: Kaname-senpai! That makes me angry!

Kaname: I’m sorry, Yuuki.

Yuuki:　I didn’t want you to apologise to me.

Zero: It’s fine, Yuuki. It’s true.

Yuuki: Don’t just agree, Zero.

Kaname: The strange thing for me is that the things in my room break easily. As the dorm leader, I experience various forms of stress. At those times, the things in my room end up breaking. It’s really mysterious.

Zero: That’s because you have a narrow heart, and you break those things.

Yuuki: Ah!! Zero!! Kaname-senpai doesn’t do that kind of thing!!

Kaname: That’s right. I don’t know why, but recently, the framed picture on my wall suddenly tore. If it was a few centimeters off, it would have hit Ichijou’s face. It really was a close call. Thankfully Ichijou’s usual conduct is good. (He’s implying that if Ichijou didn’t conduct himself well, his face would have been torn.)

Zero: What are the two of you doing?!

Kaname: It’s all right, Kiryuu-kun. Don’t worry. Ichijou is doing fine.

Zero: Right, he’s doing fine. It goes without saying.

Yuuki: Hmm… well…

Kaname: I have no choice but to throw away the broken stuff. I always get someone to help me dispose of them, and my room might have become sparse because of that.

Yuuki: Ah, so that’s what happened.  I’m… I’m relieved. In any case, it’s good that you didn’t do it (break things) out of anger. That’s Kaname-senpai for you!

Zero: What about that?

Yuuki: There’s no reason why senpai would do something so low. Say that he won’t!

Kaname: By the way, what are you carrying around in that box? Confiscated items?

Yuuki: Ah, that. They are Aidou-senpai’s valuable trash. It’s for recycling.

Kaname: Eh? Aidou’s? Can I take a look?

Yuuki: Hm? Please go ahead.

*opens the box*

Kaname: A torn up cloth, a knife and fork that have been bent back and forth, a frame with the picture gorged out… Mmm… I see. These are Aidou’s ‘treasures’, right?

Yuuki: Yes, those are his treasured items. Aidou-senpai may be rich but he’s unexpectedly an ecologist!

Zero: Oi, Yuuki. Let’s go.

Yuuki: Eh? What is it, Zero? What’s going on?

Kaname: Yuuki?

Yuuki: Yes?

Kaname: Can you quickly send these for recycling so that they have no trace of their original form?

Yuuki: Huh? Hmm… sure.

*walking away*

Yuuki: Ah… We’ve finally returned to the lobby. With this, we’ve completed our task. Good job, Zero.

Zero: I’m tired! I won’t do something like this again.

Yuuki: Eh? Aidou-senpai!! Why are you hiding behind the door?

Aidou: You’ve finally come, prefect! Give me back my collection!

Zero: Have you been waiting here all this time just to get it back?

Yuuki: You can’t! Kanane-sempai has instructed for it to be destroyed.

Aidou: What?! Kaname-sama knows about this?!

*Aidou jumps on Yuuki trying to wrestle the box out of her grip*

Yuuki: Don’t do that, Aidou-senpai!! Don’t pull the box! // Aidou: Give it back!!

*fighting sounds*

Aidou: Oh! This is bad! Ah… The both of you won’t understand; that is something extremely valuable. Whenever I look at it, I pledge my loyalty once again.

Kaname: Aidou… even for me, that is quite hard to bear.

Aidou: Ehhhh!?!

Yuuki: Kaname-senpai?

Aidou: Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-Kaname-sama? Th-th-thi-thi-this-this-this is-is-is-is…

Kaname: Aidou? Would you come here for a while? I would like to discuss with you about the protection of personal information in the Moon Dorm.

Aidou: Uwaaaaaa.

Kaname: Yuuki, Kiryuu-kun, good job! I will leave you to dispose of this trash. Well then, Aidou, come with me.

Aidou: That’s not it, Kaname-sama. These are collected with my feelings of respect and admiration; there is definitely no weird intention behind it!

*door slams very hard*

Yuuki: Ah, the door closed.

Zero: Let’s go back, Yuuki.

Yuuki: Hmm… well… Just now… Will Aidou-senpai be all right?

Zero: He’ll be fine. Let’s report to the Chairman that Dorm Leader Kuran has been entrusted to handle the Moon Dorm’s affairs.

Yuuki: Ah! Seems like you got a little bit closer to Kaname-senpai, right!!

Zero: Well, I sympathise with him. At any rate, Aidou-senpai ended up being the main drama of this “omake drama”. (Omake is used when something is added as a bonus, such as this drama cd that came with the Lala magazine.)

Yuuki: Eh? What is it Zero? What did you say?